Tags: sadsad


024 : If like goes the way I wanted it to be...

I don't know, but my heart sort of feels heavy when i see you mistreat yourself ._ .  Okay, sort of guilty too. If well, it is because of what I wrote so you're feeling depressed, I ... ._. * nothing to say about it * 

But still, I couldn't help but writing it. Sigh. Take good care of yourself. x: Don't make people worry you. If not i throw a punch at you -. - No, that was a joke, unless you still treating me as a friend, then I would lol. That was a lie. 

Anyways maybe i'm taking this issue too seriously. (LOL) But I guess I treat friends whom I truly treasured a lot like as if you're part of me. That sounds disgusting though. ._. ; So when you're not there, obviously i feel sad lah ! .___.

2 months 15 days
le leh. Still ignoring me??? Damn sad.

Going to off now, to do maths. Bye.

019 : Last post for this week.

I think I make myself seems like the one suffering, even though you are too.
I don't know, but I make the matter so much worse?

Ignore me, continue.

Not like I treat you very well, too.

Plus after all that happen, I think it'll be awkward if we suddenly talk.
& I think you,know it afterall.
Which causes things to be even awkward for me.

I wonder how many times I feels like telling you off, because I hate you.
But at the same time, I also want to tell you, to not ignore me, for I don't hate you.

I'm confused. Whether I hate you or not.

But it doesn't matter either way, if you ignore me, I will treat you as you hating me.

Thinking back,
How many times have I send messages to you, in hoping you will reply?
How many times have I get disappointed because you didn't?

I didn't expected you to ignore me for so long.
I thought you will give in, but I guess I was wrong.

Is it because you can't be bothered with me, or are you just cold blooded?


Yeah now I no longer send any messages to you already.
I don't know if i gave up yet or not, in doing so.

&&& BYE, Next week's weekends then shall I post ♥

018 : That's why.

Actually, I am not like this.
I'm someone who really want to looks good, I really love cute things, I am not that quiet in reality.
& a lot of things YOU don't know.

But if I wear those cute things, people will say I act cute.
& if I don't try to look good etc, people say I'm not girly ; I am ugly.

If I am noisy, people will find me irritating.
& if I am quiet, people find me a loner.

There's many things that I want to show, but however, because of people's opinions & that's why I hide myself.
I am really scared people are talking about me, saying I am irritating, ugly etc.

I just wanted peace, but why must people treat me coldly?
Am a human too, right?

I envy those people whom get along with all, they don't have to fear anything.
They can wear cute clothes, be girly, zilian, loud as and when they like, doing what they want,
w/o worrying if people will complain about how wtf they are.

Life is never fair, I don't wish for it to be fair & equal too.
But sometimes I just want people to treat me the same too.
No matter what I do, I won't be accepted by them.

& so when people treated me nicely, I'm actually very touched.
I want to tell them, thank you for treating me like a human.


011 : Started out bad, ended up good

The day started out bad, but oh well, everything ended up great, & I have learn a lesson.
Now I finally finally start to treasure people, ♥ A good thing, aren't?

Recently, I have also been spamming watch Akb48 videos, & you know what?
I've grown to like them, more than I did previously.

When I tried to get into Akb48 while watching Akbingo, I seriously don't think they're fun, etc.
I then realize you need to know not only one or two of the members, but more, then you will start liking them ♥

Ah, no worry, I won't abandon my Arashi fandom okie ! 
They're my rainbows, without them I'll be living in darkness ;A;

008 : Booo.

Okay, so I gotten back my results, not fully, but still, it's disappointing.
You know, I really do not wish to like, aishhhh ~ So heartbreaking ! </3
I really did cried as soon as I reached home, I wondered why the fuck did I scored that poorly...
Shouldn't make myself depressed, time to be ♥ HAPPY ♥

Anyways, I'm watching Happy Tree Friends again ~ ♥
good for relieving stress, ><


005 : Shiiit.

I did not update any yesterday, well, because I was studying ~ But I have no confidence in all of my subjects... Despite how much I studied yesterday. Guess last minute studying is real bad. I am so disappointed in myself. DDD: I swear after MYE, I'm gonna study like, at least 5 hours per each day. 

Don't care if I am stressed or what, ;sigh. I have to do my best, if not, I won't get promoted to Secondary 5. 

Ah, I wonder why am I making myself even more depressed... And I wanna pierce two more holes in my left ear, and one more on my right ear. My friends say I starting to turn ahlian, =3=

1. Dyed my hair.
2. Change hairstyle, look like one or smth.
3. Gonna pierce earholes.

But that doesn't mean I am one what, also, I don't behave like one XX: But yeah, I'm glad they say look I like japanese girl ♥W♥ I keep saying, "No lah. Really ah? Hehehee." or "Thankyouuu!:D" I am really very happy, sigh. Not many people compliment me... Even those who did are already gone. :(( 

And this year, hah, I wonder why my father celebrated Mother's Day too... In my entire life, he did not, not even once. Same goes for celebrating my birthday, he'll sit in one corner and hear my family members singing for me birthday song.

Last year he did, this year, he celebrated Mother's Day... And once again, he say, "I don't know if I can even celebrate next year."  This make me think that he is dying or something .__. My mother did say something like this, but you cannot really feel anything. Like she just say it cuz she's angry or something.

But my dad, he said it with a happy face... He was smiling. I think inside he is crying. He just dare not show it. He must be missing us like mad, if he were to be gone someday... I don't know. I feel that he is being serious about it. Last year my birthday too, he even celebrated with champagne. X: and say the same thing.

Sometimes, he'll play emo songs, and sing. Songs which goes like, "I love youuu ~~ you know i love you.~" sort of thing... That... ;argh. I can't believe i'm crying .__.